Remembering Eddie

May 2010

It has been a month since Eddie died, and I still miss him. It had to take some time before I could talk of him without feeling sad, but now- grieving (which is a very private matter for me) has given way to fond memories and I remember him in life.

Craig and I have been spending the past several days at our little nipa hut in Nasugbu, and everything around us, is a reminder of Eddie. I guess 27 years will do that. We look around and admire the trees (which has become very alive with the coming of the first rains)- and we see Eddie. He planted the avocado trees because he knew I loved avocado, he planted the calamansi because I cook with it, he planted the Ylang-Ylang trees because he knew it was my favorite base scent, he planted the kamias because we need it for particular native dish of fish, he planted the jackfruit because we all enjoy this fruit, he planted a few coconut trees because I love coconut water, he planted the dama-de-noche because (as its name implies) it has a very sweet scent that comes only at night and calms us to sleep. He planted these trees and more- so that we could someday enjoy the fruits and the shade they will provide.

Little things still have to change- like waking up in the morning and assuming that Eddie had already made our favorite Barako coffee; or that he could pick up Olive at the bus station when she arrives, or that he would drive Manny to do his special errands (that Eddie stopped trying to understand, just trusted that they were important). It will take a lot of time to get used to the idea that Eddie is gone, but we are not in a hurry- it will be very difficult to erase habits that were formed over 27 years; and so, we won’t. We will live each day remembering him, and helplessly thinking- if only Eddie was here…

With Eddie, there was no drama- he knew his place and, quite intuitively- he knew his role- and did it with the confidence and knowledge (not arrogance) that his role was important. As a rudder to a ship, the ship won’t turn unless he does his job. He knew almost everything that I was doing, and he could read my mind. I guess of all the employees, he would have had one of the best trainings- listening in on discussions while driving in the horrendous Manila traffic that takes forever to cross ten blocks- for example- is a great opportunity to learn. Over time, our relationship developed into one of complete trust and respect; and a fondness that is hard to come by.

This past week, we installed an electric pump (to pump water from the well), and remembered him- for this was a project he has been wanting to do. We just also built a French Drain to fix the flooding in the driveway, and again, remembered him- this was another project he has wanted to do. Had he been able to study further, I’m sure Eddie would have been an Engineer.

Craig has been driving around the town, and Ned comes to pick us up if we need to drive long distances. Somehow, no one is in a hurry to find another driver for us, and definitely, no one is looking to replace Eddie- because, simply, no one can take his place.

Craig, Manny and I always laugh at the stories we share:- Eddie and Jonas (Eddie was principal driver for Jonas as I would not entrust him to the other drivers), of the times when Eddie would pick up Jonas at his kinder school at Forbes Park in this long- extended-base white Mercedes (still my favorite car of all time), drive a few blocks along Millionaire’s Row and stop to pick up alibangbang leaves for beef sinigang (the way Tatay used to cook it) while Jonas’ classmates drove by wondering what his driver was doing up a tree!

We talk about how Eddie would always be ready at 6am to take Jonas to International School, the Wednesdays when Jonas would come out of the apartment to go to school- his briefcase in hand- and Eddie would know at once that it was banking day for Jonas, and that he would have to inform the office that he would be late coming back; we remember how very proud he was (more than I!!) as he told all his other co-drivers and proudly proclaimed that “my alaga is the high school Valedictorian, did you know that? have you heard yet? I’m telling you, he’s the one!”. On graduation day, I made sure that one of my six tickets went to Eddie and that he was there to see his alaga, first to march out leading his class, not only Valedictorian but had garnered the most number of honors.

We fondly talk of Eddie managing our office moves and how he would, at the start, wrongly install the doors to open backwards (and how Craig would have to de-install everything to start all over again), of our joint experiences during the coup attempts such as our hasty departure from our apartment at Ritz Towers to this little house in Urdaneta Village where we holed-up, because our office was taken over by government troops while our home was taken over by the rebels, and they were “trying” really hard to shoot at each other (we were in the middle, looking up at the sky, and watching the exchange of fires. No one was hurt, of course- (except some of the bystanders uncaring enough to stand at the sidewalks, “watch the show”, and gossip)-- as with everyting else in the Philippines – drama is of the highest import and the highlight of the event. During these happenings- we remember how Eddie would always be able to cook by devising some makeshift kitchen….. I have always admired how we could turn what others would consider extremely big disasters, into a picnic and a nice memorable experience.

There were natural disasters too, such as Pinatubo- the biggest volcanic eruption of the century- when Jonas and I had to urgently leave Manila (due to my asthmatic condition) and a flight to the US had to be obtained… somehow Eddie always managed to make things easier for me.

When we were younger and Dynasoft was only a couple of years old, Eddie wanted to start a small fish-farming business- and borrowed money from the company. He was either on his own or ventured with our other driver, Max. One Monday, he came to the office looking very sad, and when I asked why he looked so glum, he told me that the typhoon of last week-end flooded the bay and all his fish swam away. I told him not worry and that other ventures would come again. I knew however that, more than all the fish that swam away, it was the loan that concerned him most. I talked to Craig and explained to him why we had to raise Eddie’s salary so that he could pay off his loan to us. This was one of Craig’s first lessons in Asian culture.

One day we were driving from Nasugbu on the way to Manila and passed a small village celebrating fiesta (an old Spanish tradition to celebrate the day of the town’s patron saint). I said, “hhmmnn, fiesta, I can smell the menudo”. Next thing I knew, he stopped in front of someone’s house and asked me to come. We went inside the house, were treated like special guests, ate their food, and when we left- they even had wrapped food for us to take home. I was all smiles and thanked everyone. Later, I said to Eddie: what wonderful people- how are we related to them? To which, he replied: We’re not, but it’s OK- it’s fiesta!

Everyday, without fail, Craig would have his Starbucks first thing when he arrives in the office. When we travel long distances, Eddie would automatically bring baon and the cooler (ice box) with ice and bottled water. When he picks me up at the airport, he would have cold water waiting for me in the car, because according to him, I would be thirsty from the flight.

During our Medical Missions, he would supervise the logistics, but especially take over the cooking (for the 40-or-so staff of doctors and dentists; and for the patients too (if we were giving food- they call it “feeding day”). He was a project manager. He was also a great cook, and we respect each other’s specialty. He would never cook what I cook, as I won’t cook what he cooks. When I am home, he would cook my favorite native dishes because he knew that I won’t cook them.

He was loved by the employees, as he cooked them their favorite meals and gave them advice when necessary. They knew that because he has been with me from the beginning, they should maybe listen to him and learn. When he died, ex-employees who heard the news came to the wake, and those who could not- because they were overseas- sent money.

He was a very considerate person, he would think of all others first, before himself. He was fiercely loyal and kind-hearted. He was trustworthy. I knew without a doubt that he stood ready to protect and defend me and my family against all kinds of threat. I would always tell Jonas that I could not have done what I was able to do, career-wise, and raise him well, without the help of others. I am always surrounded by a few good men- and Eddie was one of the best.

For my part, I feel good that I was able to contribute to change his life for the better- sending his daughter to university and employing her (for 8 years) as soon as she graduated. We trained her to be an excellent systems network person, grounded in US ways of doing things. I believe that during Eddie’s 27 years with us, his family lived better than most. Still, I feel that of the two of us- I was better blessed (he would probably disagree). Beyond trust and respect for one another, our relationship was one of true reciprocity. He gave back as much as he could.

On the day he died, his thoughts were for Craig (and what he would have for dinner), and for me- the things he had to fix because I was coming home. I still don’t know whether to feel happy or guilty- I only know that this is so typical of our relationship, and how blessed I was for having such a caring person around me for 27 years. There is a hole in my heart and it will be there for a very long time.

Our little Nipa hut in Nasugbu has no name and has no address. For the longest time now, we would laugh as we receive mail (electric bill or water bill) that states the address as: beside La Carleo Resort or in-front of Shore Birds Resort, Apacible Boulevard, Nasugbu, Batangas. And so, we have decided to hang a sign by the gate: Eddie’s Place, in his honor—after all he is well-known here and fondly remembered.